Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Thoughts About My First Kill(s)

(WARNING: This blog contains graphic material that may not be suitable for the faint of heart)

I often wonder what goes through a soldier’s mind after he experiences his first kill. Does he feel remorse? Does it get any easier the more he does it?

I thought about what was going through my mind this morning as I anticipated seeing my first casualties. I have to admit that my very first thought was “Lord, I need a husband to take care of this for me.” Sorry to all you women’s rights activists, but this activity falls in the ‘man’s job’ category. The gross-out factor is not befitting for a lady.

I nervously walked down to the basement to catch a glimpse of my WMDs. A glimpse was all I needed to get an idea of what I was up against. After a quick gander at the WMDs I went back upstairs to mentally prepare myself for the casualty removal task at hand. While preparing myself, I meditated on the fact that I just took the life of a living creature, albeit a rodent, but still, I was the one who contributed to its demise. Honestly, I thought I’d feel bad about it, but instead I felt angry and triumphant. I was angry at the little beasts for pushing me to the point of violence, yet I rejoiced at their calamity. In my anger, I thought for a brief second about hanging the dead mice by their tails as a deterrent to any other mice that might be in the area. You know, like they did in the bible to discourage their opponents. I quickly dismissed the idea because I don’t like smelly, rotten things, and more importantly, I’d have to actually touch the corpse to do it. Now, if I had a husband…he could do it.

So, how do I really feel? ”Die, I’m going to kill every last one of you filthy, little monsters. And, I will not relent until you’re completely gone, ha ha! (evil laugh)" Gosh, did I say that out loud? Isn’t it funny how your enemies can bring the worst out in you? Your friends can too, but I’ll save that discussion for another blog.

In the meantime, I’ve managed to place a call in for reinforcements. I’ll continue to hold down the fort until they arrive. I am armed with reusable WMDs and plenty of Jif. I know I can do it!

I hope the left-wing animal rights activists don’t get a hold of what’s going on in this household because I don’t want any more trouble. Besides, I have God’s permission to rule over “…every creepy thing that creeps on the earth.” (Gen 1:26 ESV)



Okay, so maybe I was a little overzealous about my opponent's most unfortunate outcome. A special thanks goes out to Sully, who so brilliantly told me to place the traps along the walls. FYI, that’s how mice like to travel, it makes them feel secure.

4 comments:

Unknown said...

Are those pictures of the casualties? I commend your triumph over these varmints! I say no mercy!! However, I don't think I could handle the disposal! That is too much!!! Again, I agree that is a "man's job!"

Diana said...

Yes, those are the actual documented photos of the first two casualties, although I'm not sure which mouse had the distinct honor of being first.

Unknown said...

Ok....that is just gross!! I just got flashbacks from when I came downstairs and saw a tail of a mouse caught in a trap in the kitchen of the Montezuma house. I quickly ran up the stairs like someone was out to get me. I remember losing my appetite!

Ann said...

I'm seriously laughing out loud on the couch. And I don't envy that disposal job AT ALL! Hope you have plenty of Bleach! Kudos for stepping up to the challenge... but I vote for Pro-reinforcements now. :)