Sunday, February 21, 2010

Spinning Thoughts

Recently, I’ve started attending a spin class at the local gym. I consider myself a novice in this sport and am still trying to decide whether or not it’s a sport for me. For those of you not familiar with spinning, it’s an aerobic exercise class where a group of people sit on specially designed stationary bikes, while listening to motivating music as an instructor yells out directions to the riders to simulate outdoor riding. The goal of the class is to burn calories and tone muscles, which seems like something I ought to be doing.

I thought I’d share what I actually think about while I’m on the bike.

While adjusting the bike:

“Okay, I can do this. This will be fun. I’m going to get in great shape.”

“Lord, help me to stay on the bike for the full hour.”

“Did I adjust this thing right? The people next to me seem to be peddling easier than me.”

“Geez, this classroom is cold, maybe I should have brought a sweatshirt.”

While warming up:

“I hope the instructor isn’t a masochist.”

“Come on legs, loosen up, you’ll feel better in a couple of minutes. Just keep peddling.”

“So far, so good. This isn’t so bad.”

5 minutes into the class:

“Phew, I’m starting to get hot already. Did someone turn off the air conditioning?”

“Is the clock on the wall broken? Surely, I’ve been riding for more than 5 minutes.”

“How come the people sitting next to me look so happy? Is there something going on that I’m not aware of?”

10 minutes into class:

Instructor: “Okay class, now that we’ve warmed up, are you ready to get started and have some fun?!”

Class: “Whahoo, yeah!”

“That was just the warm up? How can they think this is fun? This is work and I’m hot, sweaty and ready to get off already. Uh oh, I still have 50 minutes left.”

Random thoughts during class:

“I wonder if anyone has ever passed out in class? Will I be the first? Has anyone ever died while spinning?”

“I think my instructor may actually be insane.”

“I’ve been peddling for a ½ hour now and I’m still in the same spot!”

“Oh wow, I can’t remember the last 15 minutes. Did I have an out of body experience that I don’t remember?

“Who’s that 80 year old lady, smiling and singing to the music and having a great time on the bike? Hey, she’s peddling faster than me and doesn’t even look tired. Clearly she has dementia and doesn’t know where she is right now.”

“How fast can the human heart beat before it has a heart attack? Is my instructor CPR certified?”

“If you ask me to increase the resistance again, I’m gonna come over there and push you off your bike. You’re not human!”

“My legs are heavy and feel like jello and my lungs are going to explode! I wonder what exploding lungs look like?”

“Does anyone else in this class feel as bad as I do right now? I’m really not having any fun.”

“What is wrong with that stinking clock?! This class has been going on for two hours already. The instructor better cut it off at 60 minutes because I’m not spinning one more minute than I have to.”

“It’s really freaking hot in here. You people are sucking up all my air. Stop breathing so hard.”

During the cool down period:

“You can do this, just 5 more minutes.”

“I hope my legs don’t give out when I get off the bike. That would be really embarrassing.”

“Are my endorphins broken? I really don’t feel energized right now.”

Class over:

“I’m still alive. Yeah!”

“Why am I doing this?”

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Protect Punxy Phil

Groundhog Day has always been a special day in my family. Each year we eagerly await Punxy Phil’s winter weather prediction, believing his prediction to be more accurate than the Farmer’s Almanac.

This year it has come to my attention that the PETA animal rights activists are advocating that Punxy Phil be replaced with a robotic groundhog, stating that Groundhog Day is too stressful for Phil. Nonsense, I say.

Two years ago I had the good fortune of meeting Phil up close and personal. Whether it’s due to his celebrity status or just plain good looks, I can emphatically state that Phil is one pampered animal. He's extremely comfortable, if not curious about his fans. His handlers are very protective of him and give him better care than he’d get if he lived in the woods.

PETA, let Phil have his day!! Let him bask in glory at Gobbler’s Knob. You can’t replace the real thing with a fake. Who knows what kind of global warming a robotic groundhog would cause.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Girls from Ipanema Take a Road Trip

Spotted in front of the police station in Savannah, Georgia, the Girls from Ipanema were seen enjoying a relaxing day of sight seeing. An unlikely duo, but great traveling companions, the girls set out on a more than 1300-mile road trip in early January. The 20-hour trip from Connecticut to Florida should have been a two day trip. However, being from Ipanema and not all that familiar with the cities on the eastern seaboard, the girls took a leisurely trip, hitting points of interest along the way. Averaging 2-3 hours of drive time per day, and never driving more than 5 hours on any given day, their journey took them eight days to complete.

Here’s a chronicle of their journey:

Day 1 – took photos in Simsbury, CT, ate dinner in White Plains, NY with friends, slept in Philadelphia, PA.

Day 2 – Visited City Hall, Starbucks, the Liberty Bell, Independence Hall, and the Reading Terminal Market (where they ate a Philly Cheese steak w/cheese whiz), then drove to Falls Church, VA, watched the Texas/Alabama championship football game and slept at the Smith B&B.

Day 3 – Woke up to 1” of snow, visited Mount Vernon to see where George Washington slept, drank hot chocolate in Alexandria to prevent hypothermia, played hard with new playmate Lily who’s a full time resident at the Smith B&B.

Day 4 – took the train into Washington, D.C., walked the National Mall in temperatures not hospitable to Ipanemans, took photos of the Washington Monument, World War II Monument and
Lincoln Memorial, took a ride with an angry, politically-opinionated cab driver from Jordan, ate lunch and visited the National Art Gallery with their wonderful hosts from the Smith B&B, saw the Declaration of Independence and Magna Carta, played hard with playmate Lily and spent another night at the Smith B&B.

Day 5 - said their goodbyes to their incredibly gracious hosts, drove into D.C., took pictures of the White House where one girl had a practical joke played on her by a White House security guard, ate lunch, spent the night in Fayetteville, NC.

Day 6 – drove most of the day, visited Pedro Land in South Carolina where one girl got severely freaked out and over stimulated by Pedro’s odd looking city (this is the same girl who got picked on by the security guard), ate dinner in Hilton Head, SC, went out for dessert and slept in Savannah, GA.

Day 7 – walked around, shopped, and took photos in historic Savannah, tried (not too hard) to spot Paula Deen, spent the night at the Disney World equivalent for golfers, on the outskirts of St. Augustine, FL.

Day 8 - walked around historic St. Augustine, got a car wash and drove to their final destination... JUPITER.